Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
