he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
