i already hear my dad disowning me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just high enough for therapy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
