How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just gift wrapped bread.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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