so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
