His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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