She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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