So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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