there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
