Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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