Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
