member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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