the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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