So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
