i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
