She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
