Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
