I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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