I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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