remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
