Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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