'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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