her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
