is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
