The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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