omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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