I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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