i wish my penis had a tongue
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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