you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
