Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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