8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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