literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
