I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
