I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
