I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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