I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
whose parrot is this?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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