I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
