The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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