i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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