Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
