I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
