I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
