I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
how does that bad decision feel?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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