There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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