This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
