i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
