It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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