chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
