arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
