Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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