i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
