And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
