So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
